Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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