the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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