Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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