The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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