I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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