We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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