I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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