WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
