Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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