I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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