I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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