The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
