I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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