How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
