feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
