I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
