He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
God, I missed his penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
