even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!