dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
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porn star boner night. come get it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.