So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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