Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!