i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
