I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
