i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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