woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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