I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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