your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
