well I can't set my house on fire every night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
