I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
