Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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