my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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