Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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