Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
