This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
