You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
