grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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