Only a mothe r could love this liver
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were trust falling into bushes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
