i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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