the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
