he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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