I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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