fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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