it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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