Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
