im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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