He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
