She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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