woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
