If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
