I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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