i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
