This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
