He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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