I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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