Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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