1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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