she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
