He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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