My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
