all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
