No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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