a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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