No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
