I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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