I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
