Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
