real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
