this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
