no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I need to stop coming to work sober
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
