walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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