started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
